The China Mail - More than skin deep: Dutch abuse victims erase forced tattoos

The 53-year-old is one of hundreds helped by Rotterdam-based foundation Spijt van Tattoo ("Tattoo Regret"), which offers victims free laser treatment and is poised to expand internationally.

Joke (pronounced Yo-Ke) suffered years of abuse, locked in caravans and sheds, and forcibly tattooed at home with a tattoo gun until virtually no area of her body was ink-free.

He daubed his name on her face more than a dozen times, on her forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, even her eyelids.

Even when she escaped, the physical reminders of his cruelty were clear for all to see, making Joke feel ashamed and stigmatised, afraid to step outside.

"Everyone looks at you and insults you. Saying you're stupid, you're crazy. And you have nothing, nothing at all. You feel so small," Joke told AFP.

Then, through Veilig Thuis ("Safe at Home"), a national organisation helping victims of domestic abuse, Joke was referred to Spijt van Tattoo -- the first step on a long and painful journey.

Over two and a half years, Joke has endured 12 laser sessions to scrub the ink from her face. The pain is so intense, a plastic surgeon is needed to anaesthetise her face.

Now, with the help of make-up, the tattoos on her face are barely visible and Joke says she has her life back.

"It hurts like hell," she said. "You need so much strength to get all of this removed ... But you cannot imagine how happy it makes you. I could never have imagined it."

She battled suicidal thoughts for 18 months but said that removing her abuser's name from her face has "liberated" her, giving her a more positive outlook on life.

"I can be happy with anything. If the weather is nice, great. Even if it's raining, I feel cosy inside. Everything makes me happy now."

"It gives you hope. And hope keeps you alive."

- 'Reclaiming my life' -

Bonnie, whose name AFP has changed to protect her identity, was only 17 when she met her ex, who quickly became abusive and controlling.

Five years later, on his birthday, he said he wanted a twisted present, dragging Bonnie to a tattoo parlour to inscribe "property of" and his name just above her genitals.

She tried in vain to signal to the tattooist that she was not consenting, but the domineering presence of her ex ensured the operation took place.

The humiliation did not stop there. Bonnie returned home to find several of her partner's friends in the living room. She was forced to show everyone the freshly inked tattoo.

"He was very proud. I belonged to him. And I was now his property. And I would remain his property," the 42-year-old told AFP.

"And all I felt was sadness, humiliation, fear, disgust ... The pride that shone from his eyes. I belonged to him. And never again to anyone else. I have never felt so horrible, so dirty."

Bonnie endured more than a decade of abuse, death threats, promises to kidnap her children. When the man started to hit her son, she decided she had to leave.

She said those who have never suffered such a relationship cannot understand how difficult it is to escape.

"They threaten you. They manipulate you. They drive you crazy to the point that you start doubting yourself. That you can't do anything anymore. That you're worthless. They make you so small," she told AFP.

Unlike Joke, who decided very quickly to remove her tattoos, Bonnie came to that painful decision after several years.

She first considered cover-up but realised the text and ink would still be there. "Then my body would still feel like a part of him, and it's not."

For a time, she could not even shower as she could not bear to look at her body and the tattoo.

"I felt my body was so dirty that I didn't want to clean it anymore. Because you carry all those years with you," she said.

Like Joke, the process of removing the tattoo has formed part of her recovery. "I'm very proud of myself for taking that step," said Bonnie.

"For me, it is the first step towards closing one of the most painful chapters of my life.

"It is a step towards freedom, healing, reclaiming my own body, reclaiming my life, and finding myself again without shame."

- 'So extreme' -

The driving force behind the foundation is charismatic husband-and-wife team Andy and Dex Han, who have been in the tattoo removal business for 30 years.

In 2018, they decided to devote one day per week to pro bono work, removing forced tattoos from victims of domestic abuse or other coercive behaviour.

Projects range from erasing an initial on a finger to sex trafficking victims whose "loverboy" has tattooed his name on their forehead.

But even hardened professional Andy Han said he was shocked when he first saw Joke.

"I've seen a lot, but this was so extreme. I didn't know where to look. Her chest, her face, her eyes, her nose, everything was covered with his name. I didn't know where to start," said the 64-year-old.

There were also financial issues. Removing a tattoo costs ten times more than getting one and depends on surface area.

Joke had so much ink on her face that just one session would cost the same as a whole year of pro bono work, Han calculated.

By the time his work with Joke has finished, it will have cost around 100,000 euros. A crowdfunding campaign for her has raised more than 30,000.

But the couple decided they had to help, no matter the cost.

"We said, listen, it's also someone's daughter. Someone's sister, someone's friend. And she has no life. We have to help her," Han told AFP.

"When you see the before and after pictures, it's extraordinary. Also in her personality," he said.

The couple have already expanded beyond Rotterdam to The Hague and Amsterdam and plan to open an operation in Cape Town to help former gang members.

"In the townships, when you have the tattoos all over your face and on your arms, you can't leave the hood. They shoot you or they stab you. They kill you if you are in the wrong neighbourhood," he said.

"They need this too because then you can help people change their lives."

- 'Don't be afraid' -

Han believes the dozens of requests and referrals he receives are just the tip of the iceberg.

Kylianne Teuben, a behavioural scientist who works for Veilig Thuis, said that forced tattooing, like many other forms of domestic violence, is hard to detect because the evidence can be "hidden beneath the clothes."

She urged anyone who finds themself in such a situation to seek help -- "please come out otherwise we can't help you."

"It's important that they know that they are not alone and that there is help. So, try to seek help when you are ready. There are organisations that help," said Teuben.

Both Joke and Bonnie voiced the same message -- get out, no matter how hard this seems.

"Easier said than done, I know that very well myself ... but don't be afraid," said Bonnie when asked what her message was to other women in her position.

"If you can stay in such a relationship for so long, you are an incredibly strong person. So then you are also strong enough to step out of it and choose yourself."

"Because it's about your life. And you only have one life," she said, her voice trembling with emotion.

Joke said she was speaking out about her experiences to encourage other women to leave abusive relationships.

"Just do it. It can't get any worse than where you are now," she said.

"You can do it. You're not weak. He's weak.

"And every woman can do this. Women are strong."

C.Fong--ThChM